O2


     I wasn’t going to write about this gorilla. I wasn’t going to write about the little boy that somehow found himself in a pit with him. I wasn’t going to write about the shot that killed Harambe. I wasn’t going to do it. The whole thing seemed so absolutely incredulous and absurd that it didn’t even seem worth my time. I know what I believe. I don’t have to write about it. 


    This was my line of thinking…until a situation wrapped its way around me and screamed right  in my face. I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t be silent. And once you understand the depth of what actually happened in that gorilla pit, neither will you. 




~~~~~




 It’s kind of cold in here. They have to keep the fans running because Aaron can over-heat easily. He can also choke, suffocate, starve, and thirst easily. If not cared for properly and thoroughly, Aaron could die. 


  I write this at the foot of his bed where I can see his beautiful blue eyes and hear his vocalizations. I just finished telling him the story of Tangled, and he smiled and reacted the whole way through it. 




        Aaron is unique. When he was still forming in the womb he became detached from his umbilical cord, cutting of the oxygen supply. As a result of this tragic accident, He can’t feed himself, he can’t wash himself, he can’t do anything for himself without someone helping him. He is a dependent. 

    Aaron recently turned twenty one, meaning that the state no longer pays for nursing care within his home. He has had to moved to a nursing home. Since his removal from his home he has gone days without food, fallen from his bed, caught  pneumonia and had blood 

poisoning.




  Not all of this is the nursing home’s fault. They have not been trained to care for those like Aaron. They cannot provide what he needs. There has been willful neglect, yes, but most of it is merely the result of being forced out of his home where he was safe and cared for properly. Why did the state force him to leave the care of his home?







    To answer that, we also must answer why there are protesters standing outside of the Cincinnati Zoo demanding justice for a wild animal that was shot in protection of a four year old child. Why animal rights activists are demanding the police hold the parents responsible

for the “slaughter” of the gorilla that was about to kill their little boy. 

     This a fight against LIFE. We live in a generation that has lost the basic, fundamental sense of worth that a human life holds, and now places the quality of a life equal to the value. Less than, even. 

    Why does the issue of our generations view on human life mean so much to me? Because I see it's effects  playing out before my eyes. Where someone weak, immobile, and dependent is suddenly at the hands of people who no longer deem his life as valuable.




  A wild animal’s life now means more than a young child’s life, and an invalid, immobile person holds less value than a walking, healthy, person. 


    I can walk today. I can feed myself today. I can wash my own body today. But what about  tomorrow? What about the day after that? ACCIDENTS HAPPEN. What if an incident occurs that causes me to dependent on hands wearing blue gloves? 

What if the same thing happens to you? 


   I am not in a gorilla pit today. I am not in danger of being torn apart by a wild animal. But what if —however it may happen—I find myself severely endangered by a wild beast? I would pray my heart out for someone to come and rescue me. And what if someone did come--they had a gun, perfect aim, and then, right at the pivotal moment--they shrug. Put the gun down..and tell me it  was my fault for getting into the situation, and they won’t even think about killing this animal because it’s rare for crying out and oh so beautiful and mighty to behold. 




What if the same thing happens to you? Maybe this particular scenario is far-fetched, but the basic underlying truth remains. 

Human life is no longer worth fighting for. 


   We need HUMAN LIFE ACTIVISTS. We need people who understand the VALUE of a human life and are willing to fight to preserve this life at whatever the cost. You aren’t going to be healthy forever. One day the quality of your life might no longer be up to you. One day you might not be able to form the words you want to say.


Be a voice for life now. Before those who are louder--or, lets just face it-- healthier than you,silence it. 

Past Hope

"She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse." 

Mark 5:26

      It had been 12 long years. The woman in this story lived with her affliction every day and every 

night. She went from one physician to the next, each one leaving her worse off than she was 

before...until she had spent all she had, and had gotten no better, but rather grew worse. 

       When my eyes fell upon this story, my heart felt a churning of connection--I understood this 

woman all too well--for she was me. And maybe she is you as well. But perhaps it is not your body

 that is broken, but your heart. Maybe you have experienced the pain of rejection, the death of a 

loved one...the failure of a relationship..the cold hard feeling of being alone. Perhaps your heart has 

been broken, time after time, and you have gone to physician after physician, tried remedy after 

remedy... drink after drink... pill after pill... guy after guy. Until you have spent all that you have, and

 your heart has not grown better, but worse. There is a flow of pain within you that cannot  be 

stopped. A pain that no one understands.   A suffering  that nothing can heal. 

"When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. For she

 said, 'If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well. Immediately...she felt in her body that she

 was healed of the affliction." 

.....

"He looked around to see her who had done this thing. But the woman, fearing and trembling, 

knowing what had happened to her, came and fell before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He 

said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction." 

Mark 5: 27-34

This woman knew that no other thing on earth could cure her--she had tried them all. Jesus was her 

last chance--her only hope. And all she had to do was reach out and touch Him, and she was healed. 

Jesus felt this touch. He knew that power had left Him. He knows the touch of His children, and He 

does not turn away from them but searches them out, as He did this woman.  He specializes in fixing 

broken things--broken people, broken hearts.  Maybe you think that you are too far gone. That your 

pain is incurable..

 
 Maybe now you can say the words of Juliet with more passion than she herself said the words--

"Come weep with me, past cure, past help, past hope!" I'm sure this is how our woman in the story

was feeling...until she heard of Jesus. The woman, although filled with fear, told Him the whole truth. 

She did not cover up her affliction in shame. She did not hide the fact that she had tried many other 

ways before coming to Him...She fell before Him, and  told Him of her past, and her present, and 

then HE told her of her FUTURE. 

"Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction." 

He offers the same healing to you, today. He sees your brokenness, He knows how you have tried 

path after path, and each one has lead you to deeper suffering and pain. He is waiting for you to reach 

out to Him..and with only one touch, He can make you new. He  has your future all mapped out, each 

step working together for your good. He sees your past, and He is in your present...and now He tells 

you of your future. 

"So You will restore me, and make me live--the Lord was ready to save me." 

   

     He is ready to save You! He will bring you healing. Reach out and touch Him. You will never be 

the same. 

Don't Despise The Process

The brisk wind brushed past my face and swept my hair over my shoulders.

"Ok, Leela. Is it Leela?"

I smiled. "Liel."

"Oh yes; German, right?"

"Hebrew."

"Hebrew, right. Ok Liel, on action you are going to walk down this path here and just observe what's

going on around. Ok? Don't walk too fast."

I nodded my head. The cameras focused in on me. I closed my eyes as I took in the moment. 

"Action!" 

I began walking down the crowded down-town Savannah street. I can't believe I'm finally in a film. 

My dream come true. My passion. I love this. 

"Slow down a little. Go back to one." I jogged back to my starting point. Get into character. I

breathed. "Action!" I walked down the street, lost in the character I was portraying. 

"Great! Cut!" I smiled. "Ok, we're ready for the real guys. Let's get first team down here." That was

my cue to go. "Ok, thanks Leil." So close. Why was my name so difficult?

I quickly moved out of the focus of the camera, and watched as the professional  took my place. Her

feet rested where mine once stood. 

"Action!" 

My mind spun a little as it settled back into reality. You aren't in a film. You aren't a character. You're 

a stand-in. Just a stand-in.

I closed my eyes as a memory flooded my mind. I was in my Stage Craft class, frowning down at my 

painting. I had been working for what seemed like an eternity on my colorful owl I had chosen to 

paint. As I stared at, it's colors seemed to collide  into one confusing mess. I sighed. My 

paintbrush needed a rinse. I went back dressing room with the big sink. As I walked in, I caught a 

glimpse of myself in the big mirror lining the wall. I sighed again. I'm a bigger mess than that owl is.

 Lord, what are you doing? I've been waiting so long. When will I see your plan? When will all that 

You are doing make sense? I walked back out, to see my professor standing over my painting, his 

brow furrowed. Oh great. He thinks it's a mess too. I cringed. "Hey bud! They said you're worried 

about Owlie. He's looking great!" I was stunned. "Really? He looks kind of--" I did a motion with my 

hands, trying to describe the turmoil my painting was in. "Well, I mean, it's not going to look great 

right now, but in the end I think it will be awesome. Don't despise the process." He walked off. I 

couldn't move. The words he had spoken so care-freely sunk into my very soul. 

"For we are His work of art, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which He has prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."

Ephesians 2:10

Now, as I was standing in the midst of bustling movie-set, I allowed the truth of that passage to fill up

my tired soul.  Eventually, I had realized my professor was right. If you look at each step taken to

create a piece of art, you may be disappointed. But if you wait to see the end, you will realize how

 each stroke fit into the other to create a masterpiece. Now, here I was, on the brink of everything my

heart desired. And the phrase that meant so much to me a few days prior was again whispered into

my heart: don't despise the process. I smiled. My teacher had intended those words as encouragement

on my painting, but God had used them to encourage my heart. We are His special masterpiece, and

we are all in the process of becoming what He desires us to be. It's hard sometimes, because we like

to focus in on the here and now. And sometimes  the desire for what we want to see overrides the

importance of the present.

 The tiny little steps. The confusion of how it looks at the moment causes us to forget our Artist sees

the end. 

                   "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." 

                                                        James 1:1-4

    My heart leapt. That was it! He is perfecting patience. I might not be where I want to be now, but

God knows all of the small things that must take place before I'm ready to be all that He desires.

I don't know when the struggle I am going through will end. I'm scared to think how long I may have 

to wait for patience to be perfected. But I know that I serve a beautiful Creator, who never makes  

mistakes. And I will not despise the process.

Beating Waves and Breaking Hearts

 "But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, 'Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?'"

   It gets to a point where you feel like you can't breathe. The world keeps on turning but you just feel stuck. You wish you could make it stop. Nothing is right in the world. Screaming doesn't help. Closing your eyes doesn't make it go away. It's there. It's loud. It's evil. And it won't stop.

  It's suffering. But it isn't you that's being hurt, it's someone else. Someone too far away to hold and too distant to protect. Someone much too innocent to understand what is being done to them and all you can do is just watch. The suffering of the innocent is something that has always plagued my mind. The fact that evil is going on and I can do absolutely nothing to stop it tortures me. I would give anything to just be able to whisper into one their ear's...it's going to be all right. But I'm here. And they are over there. I can't. It all just seems to be getting worse.

   One particular day I saw something that really disturbed me. It was so unjust, so unfair, so cruel. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. I cried out to God. I asked Him why? How can all of this be allowed to happen; how can the universe stay running, when so much pain is being experienced throughout the world? It didn't make sense. It wasn't fair. I cried every night...one morning I said
"God, I'm dying inside. I'm dying. I can't do this. Don't you see me? Don't you see this suffering of the innocent?  Don't you care?" It was a bold thing to say. God knew that I understood that He cared. But my heart was breaking. I needed to hear from Him. I went to open up my Bible, desperately needing God to speak to me. I opened up to Mark 4. What I read there changed my life.

"On the same day, when evening had come, He said to them, 'Let us cross over the other side.' Now when they had left the multitude, they took Him along in the boat as He was. ...And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat  into the boat, so that it was already filling. 

But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, "Teacher, do You not care that we are pershing?" 

Oh. Man. Sound familiar? My heart stopped. That was me. 

"Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Peace, be still!" And the wind ceased and there was a great calm.  But He said to them, 'Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?' 

Mark 4: 35-40

I had no words. There it was. All the answer I need. The winds arose, the waves were beating me, and  the torment and pain was already filling my heart. Where was Jesus? He was resting. The disciples said exactly what was on my lips a few minutes prior. "Lord, don't You care that we are DYING?"  How much that must have pained His heart! The suffering and pain of this world seems so near, so present. It seems too big.

    But Jesus is over the storm. He can rebuke the wind and calm the sea that seems to be destroying me. He could rest because He could see the end! He knew that in just a little while there would be a great calm, and His name would be glorified. And all the disciples had to do was trust that He was in control, and that all would be made right in the end. 

  Far be it from me for Jesus to tell me that I have no faith! The pain is real. The waves are big. The wind is strong. But Jesus is bigger. He is in control. There will be an end to this suffering. There will be a light that overcomes the darkness, and there will be arms that lift the innocent up and comfort their hurting hearts. 

Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day. And I will rest in Him until that day comes, because my Jesus is bigger than the storm, and stronger than the waves, and the end of the story belong to Him! And good will triumph in the end. 

The Fast and the Furious

Where do I even begin? Life is so fast, so full, so furious. You close your eyes and it all takes the opportunity to fly by without you. Then you finally look around and realize you are in a very different place than you started. And all you can think about is how much you miss the good ole days, and the blissful memories of "then", all the while ignoring the now. Sometimes we spend so much of our time dreaming of the future and reminiscing of the past that we miss the very essence of life itself.
 
   The world renowned actor Jim Carey is quoted as saying "I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer."

Wow. That is coming from someone who has gained the world, and is realizing he does not have the key to satisfying his own soul.

    Robin Williams had the world at his fingertips, and yet he decided to put an end to his fame-filled life. To the world, it doesn't make sense. He had everything anyone could ask for! But he wasn't happy. It's disheartening indeed, if you do not understand where the fulfillment of life comes from.

Life for me is coming fast. It's a tidal wave and I am a tiny grain of sand in the midst of a grand shore. Sometimes the dreams and passions burn so much inside of me that I shake.  I see my dreams played out in my vivid imagination before me   and I desire it so much it hurts.

   I've traveled and filled my heart with other cultures and beauty only experienced outside of our American dream.  I'm on the verge of 18 and a full year at Pellissippi. The world has its own dreams for me. They tell me life is a game and love is the price...that everyone has to place a bet, take a risk, that's life. That's being free.

Who says I have to be in a cage? Rules are for sticks in the mud. You only live once. So live it up!!
Their song is enticing, their melody tries to sweep me off my feet. Bright lights, big stages, charismatic words...it does sound exciting, doesn't it?

But I remember. I know who I am. I know where I came from, and I'm not sure where I'm going, but I know who I'm going with. The  Master of my life and the Savior of my soul. I'm jumping off a cliff. I'm crossing a line. I'm leaving everything else behind, and I am pursuing the lover of my heart. I fell for Him, when  He gave Himself for me. His melody sweeps me off my tired feet. This love is real, it's on fire, and it is a grand adventure indeed. I have placed my bet, and He has paid all the ransom needed.

Life is moving fast. I don't have time to close my eyes. He is marking the path for my feet, and I am running after His heart.

Call me crazy, but I'm not going to obey the world. I have chosen which road to take, and I will jump off this cliff called life free-falling into His arms.

Don't let life pass you by. LIVE your life. Fill up every tiny moment. Breathe in the life-filled air. Take off your shoes and feel the trodden ground. You are only one person, but you are one in a million. Completely unique and beautifully created for Him. Life is an adventure. Follow the One who created it for you. Who knows? You might just change the world.

"For we are His work of art, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared before hand, that we should walk in them."

~ Ephesians 2:10

The Subtle Storm

"Do not be conformed to the likeness of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

        I'm sure many of you have been where I am right now. That place where you honestly have no idea what God is planning to do with your life. That lonely room where every door out is shut in your face. That question of why imprinted on your heart and bold in your mind. I am a junior this year, which is actually quite a difficult  place to be in terms of future and well..just life in general. I have always had specific passions and talents, ones that have grown and burned and are now ignited in my heart. But what they are truly there for is difficult for me to know. The creativity realm is where I flourish. Where reality and those things just outside of this realm become one in a blend of words and thoughts. Acting has been my life. With that part of my brain on high alert, a rather important part of my brain seems to have fallen asleep.

  

    Ever since the day I learned I had 5 fingers on my hand numbers have been a plague and a torture to my soul! I have something called dyscalculia.  It is a mathematical disorder, where a section of the brain doesn't receive signals and patterns like an ordinary brain does. It makes even basic math pretty much impossible, and it also effects direction, spatial perception, telling time, understanding procedures, recognizing patterns, and even driving. It is a difficult thing to have. With many tears and many hours spent on trying to maintain decent grades K-11th,  I was very nervous about the ACT. Needless to say, IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.  I scored terribly low on the mathematics section the first time, but I  was hoping to do better on the second. My score remained the same. My third ACT test I took April 13, 2014. This time,  I would be more prepared. I signed up for an ACT prep class and bought the book and spent hours preparing for that dreaded day when math and fate would again collide to determine my destiny. This time though, it was more important. I needed to get into a math class at Pellissippi and had to have at least a 19. (now don't you laugh--that may seem simple enough for a normal brain but for mine? it would definitely take a miracle.)

   Now let me rabbit trail for a minute. I am one of those girls with dreams bigger than the sky. Logic and those wretched things called 'facts' don't play into my game plan at all. Jesus said that with Him, all things are possible, and that if I walk in His ways and obey His commandments, I would prosper wherever I turn. So Belmont college? Check. Vanderbilt? Why not! I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

   So the day comes. I stay up the night before doing just one more math test to prepare. 7:00 AM my alarm invades my restless sleep. I get up and say a prayer before driving my two younger sisters and I to our fate. It's time for the math section. I breathe in a prayer and exhale a promise. "No good gift will you withhold" I prayed as I counted on my fingers, "from those who walk uprightly." 

"Times up!" I exhale. I turn to Abi who shrugs. I cross my eyes. She laughs. 

It's done now. All I can do for the moment is trust. 

   The ACT results come rather quickly. My fingers shake as I type in my username and password. Up comes my results. The composite number implants itself into my mind. A tinge of disappointment sinks into my once hopeful heart. At least it's better than the last one. Now to look at math. Without giving myself a second to back down I scroll to see my score. How do you describe months (well years) of practice and hope all crushed in one second? A tsunami? A hurricane? No, something a bit more subtle  than that. Because you really can't process the failure all at that one moment. It's just there. And then everything else is gone. But it doesn't hit you yet. Not really. 

   I anxiously waited to see what my younger sister's got. Goodness, God blessed them with brains! It is a bit shameful when your 14 year old little sister scores 5 points higher than you on her first try. But I was happy for her:) I brag on my smart sisters all the time because that's all I've got! Haha! 

   As the day went on, the results of my test slowly sunk in. With this score in math, I couldn't get into college, not even Pellissippi!! I went to my room and buried my head in my bed. It was like all those hours of hard work and concentration just spilled out onto the floor. Why Jesus? I asked through my tears. You saw how hard I worked; how much I struggle! Will you not let me into college? I don't understand! You are probably familiar with how these types of convos usually go. I waited. I prayed. I worshiped. Jesus came to me. He was there. He saw me. He made me just how I am for a reason and a purpose. I'm going to be honest, I am still struggling with what on earth I am supposed to do with my life. The whole math issue is never going to go away, and my hearts most fervent desire (acting)  is not something that is sure or guaranteed in any way! I was so lost that day. I kind of still am. This world is too big and too forceful and too fast. What's a girl to do? That afternoon the Lord led me to 1 Kings chapter 2, where David is handing the throne over to his son, Solomon. I was asking God what He wanted me to do with my life, cause things were certainly getting a bit fogged out. He answered very clearly with verse 3: "And keep the charge of the Lord your God: to walk in His ways, to keep His statues, His commandments, His judgements, and His testimonies...that you may prosper in whatever you do and wherever you turn."

  

Wow. There it is. There is God's roadmap for the journey of my life. Does a score on piece of paper hinder God? Does not God say that He uses the foolish (or simple) ones of this world to confound the wise? What if, instead of this score being an obstacle in my life, it is a wall that God decided to break down? That the obstacles  of this world are in no way limitations to what God has planned to do? HE IS GOD. and I. AM. HIS. His words are wise, simple, and true. 

1. walk in His ways

2. keep His Word

So direct. So precise. SO LIFE-CHANGING. And if you do that, then you will what? "prosper in whatever you do and wherever you turn." It's right there guys! The key to success! Do you trust Him?  Do you really? That's what I'm having to discover through this painful lesson of life with a disability. BUT GOD IS GREATER. His hand is on His children! Oh, how He loves us! 

  Romans 12:1-2 has been my life verse, and every trial I have been through in my faith has worked to refine me in accordance to these to verses. This is God's heart. This is what His plan is for us, and the answer to all  of our why's. It is here in a simple commandment from God. This is what it's all about. :)

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to the likeness of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Romans 12:1-2

Well, there it is folks! Been wondering what God's plan is for your life?  Feeling lost, and only seeing doors slam shut in your face? Take your eyes off of this world. Do not allow your mind to be set on the things down here. God desires a HOLY, SEPARATE, TRANSFORMED, living sacrifice, only attained from letting go of this world and listening to Him. Let go. Let  God be God, and do what He is going to do with your life. There is absolutely NO limitations for the one who is being transformed by Him. 

       Dream Big! Our God is bigger:) 

Comfortably Complacent...

The calm before the crash....

That wretched word....it is so smooth and yet it cannot take you over without a fight. Many times it comes after what seems like to much fighting. Too much struggle. It comes with giving up.

   A trial crashed down upon your life...you  struggle, you  yearn, you fight...and then...you struggle a little more, and fight just one more day....

Only to wake up and find yourself exactly where you were before. You cry out for deliverance, and then, suddenly, there is a break in the storm. You don't have to fight so hard. Life is just a little easier..you can breathe. You send up a quick prayer of thanks, and lay your head down to rest for the night. You wake up. The struggle begins again. But this time...something is missing. The will, the passion? You are not quite sure. You just know you are tired. Exhausted, actually. Much too tired to fight. After all, life is fine the way it is. Why not accept the gravity; give in to the flow. Really though, what do you have to lose? Just pain, tears, and a whole lot a struggle. Yea..I think I'll pass on this one. I'm good. Jesus loves me, right? His love never fails. I'll just...rest...in ... Him! Yes, that sounds like a plan.

 It's strange though...you don't really hear His voice as much anymore. Stranger still, you don't really care. Why skip the crude commercial? It isn't that bad...and really, you're tired of hangin' with the "good" group. Why not go out with the fun crowd? You can be a witness! And I mean, it's not like you've stopped going to church. 

  You worship on Sunday, raise your hands in the air...it's kinda sub conscience though. The love isn't there. The passion is gone. Life has become empty. And you have become complacent. 

Jeremiah 48:11

"Moab has been at ease from his youth; 

He has settled on his dregs, 

And has not been emptied from vessel to vessel,

Nor has he gone into captivity. Therefore his taste remained in him, 

And his scent has not changed."

  Being at ease is certainly appealing. Skipping the trial and the pain...but with it; with it goes your separateness. Your holiness. Your light. You become just like the rest of the world. There is no salt in you! you taste as bland as the sick world you live in. The Holy Spirit cannot commune with you. Your "scent" has not changed. Complacency is worse than hatred, because it is far more dangerous. It is indifference, and once it has got a hold of you, it is almost impossible to be delivered from its grasp. 

Revelation 3:15-16

"I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, I will vomit you out of My mouth. 

Chills down my spine. This is serious. He says He will vomit the complacent out of his mouth. Oh, how easy it is to become complacent! To drift into the lukewarm waters. But that is not to what we are called. 

Romans 12:2

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

 Complacency is poison. It deadens your heart to the voice of the Holy Spirit, so that you are unable to discern the will of God! It is a never-ending spiral straight towards the pit of hell. If you are struggling with living on the fence--one foot in the world and one in Christ--wake up!! You are falling, and losing your effectiveness. In fact, it is impossible to serve the world and Jesus.

Matthew 6:24

"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other."

There is no middle ground. The very idea of a fence is facade. An illusion, straight from the pit of hell. 

Matthew 12:29-30

 "Or how can one enter a strong man's house and plunder his goods, unless he first binds the strong man? He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather with me scatters abroad. Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit."

There is no middle ground. Every tree is known by its fruit. You are either bearing fruit for the kingdom, or rotting only to be cut off and thrown into the fire. The enemy cannot conquer you when you are strong and in hot pursuit of the Word. he must first tie him up, bind him, and then take away all he has. Do not allow the enemy that foothold in your life. 

1 Peter 5:8-9

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same suffering are experienced by your brotherhood in the world."

Jesus goes on in Revelation 3 to explain why He despises lukewarm attitudes so strongly, saying:

"Because you say, 'I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing'--and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked--I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of  your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see."

The road He calls us to is not an easy one, but it is the only one worth walking. Complacency blinds you to the sinful state of your heart, and you cannot see that you are "wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked." To be able to see, to be clothed, to remove the shame of our  sin, we must walk through the fire. We must be refined through the trials God ordains; we must walk a holy life, have  a separate spirit from the world, and be clothed in white garments of the Holy Spirit. Finally we must have the light from the Word penetrating our hearts, so that the truth of His teachings open our eyes to see. 

 It is never too late to return to the holy, passionate, fiery heart after God.

Revelation 3:19-22

"As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and and dine with him, and he with Me. To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.

 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."