The Fallen Toothbrush

"Hey Liel..?" I heard my dad's concerned tone and immediately got a sinking feeling in my chest. "Come here".. He walked towards the bathroom. I followed. He pointed at my toothbrush. "I was just washing my hands and your toothbrush fell in the sink. I wanted to go ahead and tell you so you could wash it and wouldn't forget." I heard a laugh from my sisters. "You actually told her..."
"What?"
"Her tooth brush falls all of the time in the apartment! Oh Liel if only you knew the places your tooth brush has been."

Ew. Bleh. Gross. I knew my toothbrush had issues with falling, but I thought it had only fallen around me, and each time I had washed it off. Who knows what germs I have in my mouth now??? 😳
I picked up my toothbrush, and began to wash it off.....

   Unfortunately, my tooth brush hasn't been the only thing that fallen one too many times as of late.
  This past year was a hurricane   for me. I entered a world I wasn't prepared for, and fights I wasn't armed enough to win. I failed again...and again....and again. Have you been there? I asked Jesus to forgive me and wash me clean--and He did! And then, yet again, I would fail Him. I felt like my heart was a stone, and that this time for sure I had ruined my chances. There is no way God could really cleanse me again. I had messed up too much this time. Okay, okay. Maybe God could forgive me, but there is no way He will speak to me like He did before. He will never share that intimacy with me again. He will forgive me perhaps, but He won't be close with me anymore. My heart is too wicked.

Those  were my exact words I spoke aloud this morning, while I was getting ready for the day. I had just finished narrating my life (I do that kind of often...it's too hard for me to keep my thoughts all sealed up in my head) when I set my toothbrush down, and ran to get Bobby pins. I came back to the bathroom to see my sneaky little toothbrush fallen prostrate in the sink. Gross. (We aren't just in our own apartment, by the way, we are in a beach condo we rented--so double gross)😣. I picked it up and said  "How is it humanly possible for something to fall so many times???" My heart stopped. Well, it more like fluttered. Or...beat a little faster. Was that not what I had just said about myself? Now here I was, holding my toothbrush, knowing full well I was going to wash it again without hesitation. Now of course, there was always the option to just throw it away and never use it again, but that would be crazy! why on earth would I do that when I could just wash it off? It was MY toothbrush. I definitely didn't like that it had a thing for falling, but it was in my power to make it clean and ready for use again.

You know what's coming, don't you?

God spoke to my heart. "Liel, you are mine. It doesn't matter how many times you fall. I'm always going to pick you up, and wash you off again. I will make you clean every single time, and I won't stop using you."

Ezekiel 11:19-20 says

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God."

Did you read what I just read?? Did you let the words sink into your heart and soul? This verse is PROMISE. Have you let your heart become divided? hardened? Have you been struggling with condemnation, because, like my toothbrush, you just keep falling --and you know that you know that this time, God isn't going to pick you up? You're sure it's too much for Him to wash you off again.. you've fallen too many times. If this is how your little heart is feeling, YOU ARE WRONG. God is so much bigger, and so much greater than our hearts. He can  remove the hardness of our hearts, and  give us soft ones again! If we  call on Him, and still desire to be used, then He isn't about to throw us in the trash. He will pick you up, wash you off, and use you in greater ways than you ever thought possible. And He will do it again....and again...and again. So the next time you feel condemned, remember that "if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our hearts, and knows all things." (1 John 3:20). And, if it will help, maybe  remember the story of the fallen toothbrush...that will always be picked up, washed off, and used again.