The Fallen Toothbrush

"Hey Liel..?" I heard my dad's concerned tone and immediately got a sinking feeling in my chest. "Come here".. He walked towards the bathroom. I followed. He pointed at my toothbrush. "I was just washing my hands and your toothbrush fell in the sink. I wanted to go ahead and tell you so you could wash it and wouldn't forget." I heard a laugh from my sisters. "You actually told her..."
"What?"
"Her tooth brush falls all of the time in the apartment! Oh Liel if only you knew the places your tooth brush has been."

Ew. Bleh. Gross. I knew my toothbrush had issues with falling, but I thought it had only fallen around me, and each time I had washed it off. Who knows what germs I have in my mouth now??? 😳
I picked up my toothbrush, and began to wash it off.....

   Unfortunately, my tooth brush hasn't been the only thing that fallen one too many times as of late.
  This past year was a hurricane   for me. I entered a world I wasn't prepared for, and fights I wasn't armed enough to win. I failed again...and again....and again. Have you been there? I asked Jesus to forgive me and wash me clean--and He did! And then, yet again, I would fail Him. I felt like my heart was a stone, and that this time for sure I had ruined my chances. There is no way God could really cleanse me again. I had messed up too much this time. Okay, okay. Maybe God could forgive me, but there is no way He will speak to me like He did before. He will never share that intimacy with me again. He will forgive me perhaps, but He won't be close with me anymore. My heart is too wicked.

Those  were my exact words I spoke aloud this morning, while I was getting ready for the day. I had just finished narrating my life (I do that kind of often...it's too hard for me to keep my thoughts all sealed up in my head) when I set my toothbrush down, and ran to get Bobby pins. I came back to the bathroom to see my sneaky little toothbrush fallen prostrate in the sink. Gross. (We aren't just in our own apartment, by the way, we are in a beach condo we rented--so double gross)😣. I picked it up and said  "How is it humanly possible for something to fall so many times???" My heart stopped. Well, it more like fluttered. Or...beat a little faster. Was that not what I had just said about myself? Now here I was, holding my toothbrush, knowing full well I was going to wash it again without hesitation. Now of course, there was always the option to just throw it away and never use it again, but that would be crazy! why on earth would I do that when I could just wash it off? It was MY toothbrush. I definitely didn't like that it had a thing for falling, but it was in my power to make it clean and ready for use again.

You know what's coming, don't you?

God spoke to my heart. "Liel, you are mine. It doesn't matter how many times you fall. I'm always going to pick you up, and wash you off again. I will make you clean every single time, and I won't stop using you."

Ezekiel 11:19-20 says

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God."

Did you read what I just read?? Did you let the words sink into your heart and soul? This verse is PROMISE. Have you let your heart become divided? hardened? Have you been struggling with condemnation, because, like my toothbrush, you just keep falling --and you know that you know that this time, God isn't going to pick you up? You're sure it's too much for Him to wash you off again.. you've fallen too many times. If this is how your little heart is feeling, YOU ARE WRONG. God is so much bigger, and so much greater than our hearts. He can  remove the hardness of our hearts, and  give us soft ones again! If we  call on Him, and still desire to be used, then He isn't about to throw us in the trash. He will pick you up, wash you off, and use you in greater ways than you ever thought possible. And He will do it again....and again...and again. So the next time you feel condemned, remember that "if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our hearts, and knows all things." (1 John 3:20). And, if it will help, maybe  remember the story of the fallen toothbrush...that will always be picked up, washed off, and used again.

O2


     I wasn’t going to write about this gorilla. I wasn’t going to write about the little boy that somehow found himself in a pit with him. I wasn’t going to write about the shot that killed Harambe. I wasn’t going to do it. The whole thing seemed so absolutely incredulous and absurd that it didn’t even seem worth my time. I know what I believe. I don’t have to write about it. 


    This was my line of thinking…until a situation wrapped its way around me and screamed right  in my face. I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t be silent. And once you understand the depth of what actually happened in that gorilla pit, neither will you. 




~~~~~




 It’s kind of cold in here. They have to keep the fans running because Aaron can over-heat easily. He can also choke, suffocate, starve, and thirst easily. If not cared for properly and thoroughly, Aaron could die. 


  I write this at the foot of his bed where I can see his beautiful blue eyes and hear his vocalizations. I just finished telling him the story of Tangled, and he smiled and reacted the whole way through it. 




        Aaron is unique. When he was still forming in the womb he became detached from his umbilical cord, cutting of the oxygen supply. As a result of this tragic accident, He can’t feed himself, he can’t wash himself, he can’t do anything for himself without someone helping him. He is a dependent. 

    Aaron recently turned twenty one, meaning that the state no longer pays for nursing care within his home. He has had to moved to a nursing home. Since his removal from his home he has gone days without food, fallen from his bed, caught  pneumonia and had blood 

poisoning.




  Not all of this is the nursing home’s fault. They have not been trained to care for those like Aaron. They cannot provide what he needs. There has been willful neglect, yes, but most of it is merely the result of being forced out of his home where he was safe and cared for properly. Why did the state force him to leave the care of his home?







    To answer that, we also must answer why there are protesters standing outside of the Cincinnati Zoo demanding justice for a wild animal that was shot in protection of a four year old child. Why animal rights activists are demanding the police hold the parents responsible

for the “slaughter” of the gorilla that was about to kill their little boy. 

     This a fight against LIFE. We live in a generation that has lost the basic, fundamental sense of worth that a human life holds, and now places the quality of a life equal to the value. Less than, even. 

    Why does the issue of our generations view on human life mean so much to me? Because I see it's effects  playing out before my eyes. Where someone weak, immobile, and dependent is suddenly at the hands of people who no longer deem his life as valuable.




  A wild animal’s life now means more than a young child’s life, and an invalid, immobile person holds less value than a walking, healthy, person. 


    I can walk today. I can feed myself today. I can wash my own body today. But what about  tomorrow? What about the day after that? ACCIDENTS HAPPEN. What if an incident occurs that causes me to dependent on hands wearing blue gloves? 

What if the same thing happens to you? 


   I am not in a gorilla pit today. I am not in danger of being torn apart by a wild animal. But what if —however it may happen—I find myself severely endangered by a wild beast? I would pray my heart out for someone to come and rescue me. And what if someone did come--they had a gun, perfect aim, and then, right at the pivotal moment--they shrug. Put the gun down..and tell me it  was my fault for getting into the situation, and they won’t even think about killing this animal because it’s rare for crying out and oh so beautiful and mighty to behold. 




What if the same thing happens to you? Maybe this particular scenario is far-fetched, but the basic underlying truth remains. 

Human life is no longer worth fighting for. 


   We need HUMAN LIFE ACTIVISTS. We need people who understand the VALUE of a human life and are willing to fight to preserve this life at whatever the cost. You aren’t going to be healthy forever. One day the quality of your life might no longer be up to you. One day you might not be able to form the words you want to say.


Be a voice for life now. Before those who are louder--or, lets just face it-- healthier than you,silence it. 

Past Hope

"She had spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse." 

Mark 5:26

      It had been 12 long years. The woman in this story lived with her affliction every day and every 

night. She went from one physician to the next, each one leaving her worse off than she was 

before...until she had spent all she had, and had gotten no better, but rather grew worse. 

       When my eyes fell upon this story, my heart felt a churning of connection--I understood this 

woman all too well--for she was me. And maybe she is you as well. But perhaps it is not your body

 that is broken, but your heart. Maybe you have experienced the pain of rejection, the death of a 

loved one...the failure of a relationship..the cold hard feeling of being alone. Perhaps your heart has 

been broken, time after time, and you have gone to physician after physician, tried remedy after 

remedy... drink after drink... pill after pill... guy after guy. Until you have spent all that you have, and

 your heart has not grown better, but worse. There is a flow of pain within you that cannot  be 

stopped. A pain that no one understands.   A suffering  that nothing can heal. 

"When she heard about Jesus, she came behind Him in the crowd and touched His garment. For she

 said, 'If only I may touch His clothes, I shall be made well. Immediately...she felt in her body that she

 was healed of the affliction." 

.....

"He looked around to see her who had done this thing. But the woman, fearing and trembling, 

knowing what had happened to her, came and fell before Him and told Him the whole truth. And He 

said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction." 

Mark 5: 27-34

This woman knew that no other thing on earth could cure her--she had tried them all. Jesus was her 

last chance--her only hope. And all she had to do was reach out and touch Him, and she was healed. 

Jesus felt this touch. He knew that power had left Him. He knows the touch of His children, and He 

does not turn away from them but searches them out, as He did this woman.  He specializes in fixing 

broken things--broken people, broken hearts.  Maybe you think that you are too far gone. That your 

pain is incurable..

 
 Maybe now you can say the words of Juliet with more passion than she herself said the words--

"Come weep with me, past cure, past help, past hope!" I'm sure this is how our woman in the story

was feeling...until she heard of Jesus. The woman, although filled with fear, told Him the whole truth. 

She did not cover up her affliction in shame. She did not hide the fact that she had tried many other 

ways before coming to Him...She fell before Him, and  told Him of her past, and her present, and 

then HE told her of her FUTURE. 

"Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction." 

He offers the same healing to you, today. He sees your brokenness, He knows how you have tried 

path after path, and each one has lead you to deeper suffering and pain. He is waiting for you to reach 

out to Him..and with only one touch, He can make you new. He  has your future all mapped out, each 

step working together for your good. He sees your past, and He is in your present...and now He tells 

you of your future. 

"So You will restore me, and make me live--the Lord was ready to save me." 

   

     He is ready to save You! He will bring you healing. Reach out and touch Him. You will never be 

the same. 

Don't Despise The Process

The brisk wind brushed past my face and swept my hair over my shoulders.

"Ok, Leela. Is it Leela?"

I smiled. "Liel."

"Oh yes; German, right?"

"Hebrew."

"Hebrew, right. Ok Liel, on action you are going to walk down this path here and just observe what's

going on around. Ok? Don't walk too fast."

I nodded my head. The cameras focused in on me. I closed my eyes as I took in the moment. 

"Action!" 

I began walking down the crowded down-town Savannah street. I can't believe I'm finally in a film. 

My dream come true. My passion. I love this. 

"Slow down a little. Go back to one." I jogged back to my starting point. Get into character. I

breathed. "Action!" I walked down the street, lost in the character I was portraying. 

"Great! Cut!" I smiled. "Ok, we're ready for the real guys. Let's get first team down here." That was

my cue to go. "Ok, thanks Leil." So close. Why was my name so difficult?

I quickly moved out of the focus of the camera, and watched as the professional  took my place. Her

feet rested where mine once stood. 

"Action!" 

My mind spun a little as it settled back into reality. You aren't in a film. You aren't a character. You're 

a stand-in. Just a stand-in.

I closed my eyes as a memory flooded my mind. I was in my Stage Craft class, frowning down at my 

painting. I had been working for what seemed like an eternity on my colorful owl I had chosen to 

paint. As I stared at, it's colors seemed to collide  into one confusing mess. I sighed. My 

paintbrush needed a rinse. I went back dressing room with the big sink. As I walked in, I caught a 

glimpse of myself in the big mirror lining the wall. I sighed again. I'm a bigger mess than that owl is.

 Lord, what are you doing? I've been waiting so long. When will I see your plan? When will all that 

You are doing make sense? I walked back out, to see my professor standing over my painting, his 

brow furrowed. Oh great. He thinks it's a mess too. I cringed. "Hey bud! They said you're worried 

about Owlie. He's looking great!" I was stunned. "Really? He looks kind of--" I did a motion with my 

hands, trying to describe the turmoil my painting was in. "Well, I mean, it's not going to look great 

right now, but in the end I think it will be awesome. Don't despise the process." He walked off. I 

couldn't move. The words he had spoken so care-freely sunk into my very soul. 

"For we are His work of art, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which He has prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."

Ephesians 2:10

Now, as I was standing in the midst of bustling movie-set, I allowed the truth of that passage to fill up

my tired soul.  Eventually, I had realized my professor was right. If you look at each step taken to

create a piece of art, you may be disappointed. But if you wait to see the end, you will realize how

 each stroke fit into the other to create a masterpiece. Now, here I was, on the brink of everything my

heart desired. And the phrase that meant so much to me a few days prior was again whispered into

my heart: don't despise the process. I smiled. My teacher had intended those words as encouragement

on my painting, but God had used them to encourage my heart. We are His special masterpiece, and

we are all in the process of becoming what He desires us to be. It's hard sometimes, because we like

to focus in on the here and now. And sometimes  the desire for what we want to see overrides the

importance of the present.

 The tiny little steps. The confusion of how it looks at the moment causes us to forget our Artist sees

the end. 

                   "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have it's perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." 

                                                        James 1:1-4

    My heart leapt. That was it! He is perfecting patience. I might not be where I want to be now, but

God knows all of the small things that must take place before I'm ready to be all that He desires.

I don't know when the struggle I am going through will end. I'm scared to think how long I may have 

to wait for patience to be perfected. But I know that I serve a beautiful Creator, who never makes  

mistakes. And I will not despise the process.

Beating Waves and Breaking Hearts

 "But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, 'Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?'"

   It gets to a point where you feel like you can't breathe. The world keeps on turning but you just feel stuck. You wish you could make it stop. Nothing is right in the world. Screaming doesn't help. Closing your eyes doesn't make it go away. It's there. It's loud. It's evil. And it won't stop.

  It's suffering. But it isn't you that's being hurt, it's someone else. Someone too far away to hold and too distant to protect. Someone much too innocent to understand what is being done to them and all you can do is just watch. The suffering of the innocent is something that has always plagued my mind. The fact that evil is going on and I can do absolutely nothing to stop it tortures me. I would give anything to just be able to whisper into one their ear's...it's going to be all right. But I'm here. And they are over there. I can't. It all just seems to be getting worse.

   One particular day I saw something that really disturbed me. It was so unjust, so unfair, so cruel. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. I cried out to God. I asked Him why? How can all of this be allowed to happen; how can the universe stay running, when so much pain is being experienced throughout the world? It didn't make sense. It wasn't fair. I cried every night...one morning I said
"God, I'm dying inside. I'm dying. I can't do this. Don't you see me? Don't you see this suffering of the innocent?  Don't you care?" It was a bold thing to say. God knew that I understood that He cared. But my heart was breaking. I needed to hear from Him. I went to open up my Bible, desperately needing God to speak to me. I opened up to Mark 4. What I read there changed my life.

"On the same day, when evening had come, He said to them, 'Let us cross over the other side.' Now when they had left the multitude, they took Him along in the boat as He was. ...And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat  into the boat, so that it was already filling. 

But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, "Teacher, do You not care that we are pershing?" 

Oh. Man. Sound familiar? My heart stopped. That was me. 

"Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Peace, be still!" And the wind ceased and there was a great calm.  But He said to them, 'Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?' 

Mark 4: 35-40

I had no words. There it was. All the answer I need. The winds arose, the waves were beating me, and  the torment and pain was already filling my heart. Where was Jesus? He was resting. The disciples said exactly what was on my lips a few minutes prior. "Lord, don't You care that we are DYING?"  How much that must have pained His heart! The suffering and pain of this world seems so near, so present. It seems too big.

    But Jesus is over the storm. He can rebuke the wind and calm the sea that seems to be destroying me. He could rest because He could see the end! He knew that in just a little while there would be a great calm, and His name would be glorified. And all the disciples had to do was trust that He was in control, and that all would be made right in the end. 

  Far be it from me for Jesus to tell me that I have no faith! The pain is real. The waves are big. The wind is strong. But Jesus is bigger. He is in control. There will be an end to this suffering. There will be a light that overcomes the darkness, and there will be arms that lift the innocent up and comfort their hurting hearts. 

Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But one day. And I will rest in Him until that day comes, because my Jesus is bigger than the storm, and stronger than the waves, and the end of the story belong to Him! And good will triumph in the end.